RAW opens with a MLK Jr. tribute. First live segment is Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in the ring. Horrible flashbacks of my mid-2000s fandom. I'm never a fan of seeing them in the ring to start. WWE doesn't waste any time with hyping Batista's return, but Orton interrupts. These three have a weird dynamic and I'm still not sure who I'm supposed to like. This devolves into another long-winded Triple H promo. At least Orton shows some emotion.
Batista makes his return wearing a glorious track jacket and gym shoes combo. Looks like a lot of guys on north Milwaukee, except jacked to the gills. He stayed in good shape, no doubt about that. The crowd pops and Batista's return feels like a big moment. He kissed the ring mat, a nice touch to show that he really is interested in being here. Not much else to it, he's going for Randy's titles.
Rhodes Brothers & Big E Langston vs. The Shield
Six man tag to start off the in-ring action tonight. Rhodes brothers and Big E against the Shield. Interested in seeing how Big E does, but a match like this will be a great chance to hide any flaws. Everyone knows how quality these six mans have been all year long. It's a good match to start and the real shining moment before the first break is Cody's springboard to the outside to take out Rollins.
Cody continues in the ring after the break but manages to get a hot tag to Big E after Goldust was out of action. The Shield are cycling through the ring, taking turns receiving a beating. Big E tosses Rollins out and a returning Goldust hits him with a running senton off the apron. The match hits a frantic rate at this point. Big E over head belly-to-belly throws Ambrose. Reigns hits Cody with a superman punch as Cody tries to disaster kick him. Reigns gets to hit a spear on Goldust too. The match ends with Rollins stomping Big E's head right into the mat for the finish.
Match moved too fast to give it a proper play-by-play, but it was a smooth, well-executed stretch to end up there. I expect nothing less from five of those guys and Big E did well.
Match rating: ***
Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt video next, highlighting last week's finale.
Daniel Bryan already in the ring, or on the outside of the corner on the ropes, and he's ready to "break his silence." I guess that's WWE lexicon for exposition. Bryan's still not an ace on the mic, but he's passionate enough and so over that it really makes no difference. Bryan explains that he has to break Bray down mentally on top of physically. He exposed Bray and wants to do it again at the Rumble. Harper and Rowan will be in the Rumble, but Daniel wants Bray one-on-on. "YES!" chants fill the arena until the lights cut out and Bray shows up on screen.
Bray says being a traitor is the highest order of sin. He's not exposed, Bryan is, and he's a coward. Bray's obviously a strong promo and he's so much better when he's in a story, rather than being purposefully cryptic.
Fandango vs. Xavier Woods
Truth on commentary. Fandango and Woods have very similar colored gear on. Woods is all energy in there and Fandango is bumping hard to start the match. The crowd is dead. Match ends before I can say another sentence. Fandango wins with his leg drop finish. More importantly, Emma is in the crowd. #EMMATAINING.
Rating: *. It was about two spots. Nothing to say.
Brad and Kane are in the back, but Steph comes in to berate Kane for choke slamming CM Punk last week. Kane has to live by corporate rules now. She wants him to apologize to Punk.
Kane's coming out to the ring after the commercial break. Punk follows to hear Kane's very official and rather backhanded apology. Love the way Punk holds the mic like a knife. Punk says he's sorry to, but for what, oh for the fist in the face that Kane just got. Brad has to come out and yell to get a handle on the situation. It's not Punk vs. Kane though, it's Punk vs. the New Age Outlaws.
CM Punk vs. Billy Gunn
Road Dogg lost a game of rock, paper, scissors, so he's going to go do some commentary. Punk's taking it to Billy Gunn to start the match, including outside. He goes up to Road Dogg, which gives Gunn a chance to jump him from behind and take control.
Punk's back in control after the commercial break until Gunn hits a backdrop out of a headlock. Punk goes for a GTS way too early and Gunn pushes Punk to the ropes so he can land a dropkick on the rebound. Father time hasn't been kind to Billy Gunn's hair, he looks like a bleached Bozo the Clown as his hair fans out. Punk feigsn a dive to get at Gunn after he rolled out of the ring, but instead he ambushes Road Dogg who was too busy chatting with JBL to notice. Punk ends up winning with the GTS as my computer bugs out and switches to French for some reason, but not that much else happened.
Kane and Brad came back out to announce that CM Punk is #1. It's in the Royal Rumble though, so it's not a compliment.
Match rating: *1/2. Nothing awful, nothing special, but at least it helps advance a story.
WWE hype package for the Royal Rumble up next, sharing some stats with us.
Mae Young gets a bit of on air discussion. Lawler gives a nice little eulogy and a video package came after as a tribute. It's all WWE stuff of course, but it's well put together.
Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Alberto del Rio
This feud will go on. I must have missed the best-of-seven announcement.
Del Rio almost does the Chris Hamrick bump early on. He grabs on to the top rope though and Rey kicks him off. Rey hits an asai moonsault to take this outside. Del Rio gains the advantageous when he gets dirty or vicious, including some really stiff kicks to poor rey. Del Rio throws in some pec flexing for good measure, but he's no Luger.
Del Rio puts Rey face first in the corner and hits an enzuigiri. He chokes Rey with his boot and throws him out of the ring again. That's about the fourth time someone has left the ring already. Del Rio has Rey in teh tree of woe after trying to pull of his mask and follows up with some shots to the gut. The two are outside again but Del Rio drags Rey. He hauls him into the corner and uses the ring post as a fulcrum to stretch Rey across. Rey show's some ight with a few punches but del Rio moves out of the way when Rey tries a spear in the corner.
Crowd is dead, but it's been a solid match so far. Del Rio tries his own spear in the corner, only this time Rey gets out of the way. Both guys are nursing bad shoulders. Rey flings himself into Del Rio as Del Rio gets on his feet and the two are struggling to get up. Rey will end up landing a hard kick to del Rio, the kind that Del Rio might finish him with, but it's only good for two. Rey tries a 619 but Del Rio catches him. Rey'll kick out of a Del Rio side kick. Rey hits a 619 on a second attempt, drops the dime, and gets the 1-2-nope. Del Rio grabs the rope and the crowd finally sounds in to it.
Del Rio blocks another bit of Rey's high flying and then locks in the cross armbreaker. Rey taps without hesitation.
Match rating: **3/4. Good match, good story, sudden finish. They did build to it by working the shoulder, but it was a bit rushed. Rey's selling was excellent the entire time and Rey's still one of the best on the roster even if he's not able to move like he once was. The crowd being dead for most of it didn't help.
Batista's music cuts off Del Rio's and the two have a show down in the middle of the ring. Batista's jacked, but Del Rio is the taller guy, actually. Del Rio tries a sucker punch but Batista slips it and hits a spine buster. He's getting fired up as he shakes the rope. Batista power bombs Del Rio to lay him out and to let Batista have another big moment tonight.
Big Show and Brock, face-to-face. Show's doing a brutal Heyman impersonation, but he wants Brock to get out here if he has something to say. Heyman's out first but Brock comes out without a single word, just some of Heyman's great facials. Brock never gets in the ring though, he laughs at Show instead and walks to the back. Big Show wants him in the ring. Brock looks disinterested, but he'll stroll on in.
Show is huge, obviously, but Lesnar doesn't look small. Brock tries to ambush Show with a double leg takedown but show tosses him away. Lesnar bumps like crazy again, just like their first confrontation. He takes an even crazier bump when Show throws him over the ropes. No words, plenty of anger. Brock even whips a monitor into the ring at Show. Brock and Heyman walk away again, leaving us waiting for Sunday.
AJ Lee & Tamina Snuka vs. The Funkadactyls
Rematch of last week, which I candidly do not remember. Obvious commentary about the state of WWE women's wrestling aside, the match gets going with Tamina and AJ getting the heat on Ariane. Her idea of selling to yell a lot. A lot. She gets the tag to Naomi who lands one dropkick, but Tamina gets right back up and floors her with a big boot. AJ dances around and Naomi grabs her, rolls her up, and gets the pin.
Match rating: 1/2*. No worse than the Woods/Fandango match really, except for the awful yelling. Another nothing match.
More Royal Rumble hype. I don't mind at all, I'll never bash the WWE's video editing capabilities.
Commercials on RAW continue to gather go away heat with me. They're as bad as the NFL's. Thank heaven for mute.
Another Royal Rumble hype video after the commercial break. More stats this time. It had Kane stats and highlights this time, including several unprotected head shots from old matches. Surprised that they went with those.
More video packages! This time it's for Martin Luther King, Jr day and similar to the opening one, but longer
Usos vs. Erik Rowan and Luke Harper
The Wyatt's teleport to ringside and this match is underway. They're brawling in there, not that I can see any of these four exchanging holds, plus the Usos get to mix in some of their flying. Rowan messes up face-palming Jey Uso. He was supposed to go over the top rope, but he either didn't push hard enough or Jey was too low.
Rowan's using a head crusher move, pressing his fists against the side of Jimmy Uso's head. Jimmy's kept far away from his brother while the Wyatts take turns beating on him. Jimmy tries to go to the top rope but Harper shoves him outside. A follow up would be nice, but it's commercial break time so they're going to stand around in the ring instead.
Bray gets on the mic to incite the crowd while his boys continue the assault on Jimmy Uso. He says that Bryan is going to get a beating like this. Jimmy tries to go to the top again and this time manages to corkscrew into Harper. He gets over to his brother for the hot tag. The crowd doesn't care much and Jey isn't moving too quick either. Harper kills their moment in a few moments.
The crowd finally picks up, but not for the Usos. Daniel Bryan jumps Bray from behind, high kicks Rowan, and distracts Harper. Jey school boys Harper for the win and the crowd starts to chants YES! for Bryan.
Match Rating: *1/2. Slow match, the hot tag left a lot to be desired, and the dead crowd didn't help.
Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
It's a rematch from last week's match to end the night tonight. These two don't waste any time as they roll around and slug at each other. Good start here to carry over from last week. Orton's mad and wants revenge, Kofi wants to prove his win wasn't just a fluke.
Kofi hits his SOS out of nowhere to go back to the well a second time. Orton kicks out and gives Kofi a stiff forearm shiver. Somehow the camera knows to cut to the back before anything is going on, but luckily John Cena shows up at that very moment. He sprints down to the ring and starts his attack on Orton.
Match rating: None. It was a good start, but we don't get a finish.
Orton's trying to run away from Cena as Cena is getting revenge for his dad. They fight up into the crowd and make their way up the entire lower bowl until they're in a luxury suite. Orton makes a run for it, escapes the building, and hijacks some mom's car. Cena doesn't know that to do now, but at least lots of fans are getting a high five. The crowd loves Cena, but they're nowhere near as loud as they were for Bryan.
Show rating: **1/2 stars. The last hour really dragged and another cold crowd didn't help. They at least made some noise when Bryan was around, but that was about it. Batista got a nice pop, but nowhere near as big as Bryan's. Not a thrilling episode, but I'm not complaining either.
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