I chose this match as my first review and recap for three reasons. One, I wanted to watch it again. Two, it's a hell of a match. "Match" might not even be the right word because this isn't so much of a wrestling match as it is a fight where one guy tries a submission. And three, it'll help explain how I rate matches. Here's how it goes down:
Funk comes out as the baby face while Hansen follows, swinging his massive arm to cut through the streamers flying at the ring up util the match starts. The match starts with Hansen trying to corner Funk but the much nimbler, smaller man is evading him and jabbing at Hansen to keep his distance. When they do tie up, it's Hansen bullying Funk around and wailing away with those clubbing fists.
Hansen stiffs the hell out of Funk and pummels him around the ring. Funk will occasionally grab the advantage when he can outsmart (or out dirty) Hansen, but the advantage never lasts long. Hansen is just too big, strong, and brutish. Funk's selling is excellent here, not that he has to feign being hurt when Hansen is smacking him around.
Funk manages to backdrop Hansen to get out of a headlock then goes right after Hansen's knee. He puts on the spinning toe hold, only for Hansen to boot him in the face and then grab Funk's hair and punch him until Funk has to let go. Funk trips Hansen and goes for the toe hold again, but Hansen brute forces his way out again. Funk is bleeding bad at this point. His face is covered i red and it's falling all over Hansen's chest. Funk won't stop going for that spinning toe hold and he's taking the worst for it.
The two of them continue that dance until eventually Hansen drops Funk on to the top rope ad the out of the ring. Funk rolls somewhere into the crowd while Hansen takes a turnbuckle off. He hunts Funk down and then starts a viscous beating. Hansen has the turnbuckl and a rope wrapped around Funk's throat and he's dragging him around the ring. He pulls Funk over to the ropes and chokes Funk out, using the top rope like a pulley. It's intense to watch Funk look like he's about to die. Hansen lets go of the rope, only to stomp and knee Funk some more.
The only thing that saves Funk is his brother running in. Dory Funk looks like he's managing a big box store, but he gets in there and immediately goes after Hansen, even trying his own spinning toe hold. He forces Hansen from the ring, security drag that big guy to the back, then checks on his brother. Terry looks like absolute hell and crawls across the ring, unable to stand.
This isn't the best match I've see, but damn it if it isn't awesome. It's about 13 minutes from bell-to-bell, and every second is part of a very obvious and simple story: Hansen is a big bad ass that's going to smash Terry Funk; Terry Funk could beat Hansen by being quick and smart but makes the mistake of going for the same thing just a few too may times. Hansen makes him pay a hefty toll.
Rating: ***** This is a perfect match in my book. I don't have a checklist of thing I look for to make a five-star match, only a handful of heuristics. Story telling and technique cover the aesthetics of it and those make up the bulk of my ratings, but pure entertainment factors in. This match isn't a fine wine that I really sit there and analyze. It's simple, it's fun, and it's something I'm probably going to watch again in a couple of weeks. It's perfect for what it is and giving it less than five stars just feels wrong.
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